Chapter 10~ Which Life to Choose?
With Rosalie and Emmett back in the fold, the family fell into a comfortable routine. The autumn’s burnt oranges, firey reds and vibrant yellows gave way to the winter season that came fast and fierce to this part of the world. Bella and Carlisle still ventured out on their daily walks, but they were much shorter due to the cold and early snow.
“Penny for your thoughts?” she asked.
He sighed heavily. This was a conversation that he had put off as long as he dared to. He had no idea how she would accept what he had to offer. He led them over to the familiar fallen log. He brushed away the snow for Bella to sit as he positioned himself to her right. He took a deep unnecessary breath and began.
“I knew when I took you from that field and away from Forks that you would be believed to be dead. I am sorry if that was not what you wanted, but it appeared to be the best way to give you the most options rather than taking you to Forks hospital. I want you to know that I will abide by whatever life you chose for yourself.”
Bella watched the snow as it gently fell around them. She listened to everything that Carlisle had to say and allowed his words to course through her brain.
“What do you mean by the ‘life I chose’?”
Bella felt panic rise as she realized that Carlisle was telling her that she couldn’t stay. Where would she go? She had no family; no friends. She was dead for all intents and purposes.
Carlisle tasted the heightened adrenalin pump through her system as her heart began to race. He moved closer and placed his hand on hers.
“Bella, I would never abandon you. You are very important to me, and I will do whatever you ask. If you want to start a new life out in the world, I will make it happen. I can give you a new identity and enough financial backing for you to live ten lifetimes. If you want to live out the rest of your human life here, the others will understand and they will move somewhere else. I have the ability to stay with you. Your life will not be in danger by my nature, I swear it.”
She shook her head emphatically, “But Carlisle, I couldn’t ask the others to leave or you to give them up. How is that fair?” she protested as she tightened her hold on his hands.
Bella could see the conviction in his eyes. She knew that there was nothing but truth behind each and every word he spoke. He looked up to the sky for a moment before offering her the last option. The option that deep within him he hoped she would take.
“There is also the choice to become one of us.”
Bella sat still as a vampire and stopped breathing. Was he really offering me what I think he is offering me?
“If you wanted to remain with our family, I would be willing to change you. If that is what you really wanted.” He said in a solemn voice, “Bella, breathe.”
She took a deep stuttering breath as her lungs protested from being without air for so long.
“You…you would change me?” She shook her head. “I don’t understand. I thought you only changed those who were dying?”
Bella sat for several minutes as thoughts raced through her head. With Edward, this was all that she ever wanted. But now that he was gone, did she want to risk spending eternity alone? She knew how hard it had been for Edward to be the odd man out for over ninety years. Was that the price she was willing to pay to stay with the only family she had left? She took a deep breath as she collected her thoughts.
“Can I have some time to think about it?” she asked meekly.
“Absolutely. Take as much time as you need. And please feel free to come to me with any questions you may have about any of your options.”
He stood and offered his hand to her, “Come, let’s get you inside before you catch pneumonia.”
Alice had seen what transpired between Carlisle and Bella, so rather than let her get lost in her thoughts; she pulled Bella from Carlisle’s grasp as soon as they stepped indoors.
“Okay Carlisle , it’s time for some girls’ only time.” She called out in a whimsical voice.
Carlisle buried the hurt of having to end his time with Bella, but then he realized that Alice must have seen what he had offered to her.
“Come on Bella. Rosalie and I got some new nail polishes and we are trying to use them to pick a new color for her car.” Alice
Bella conceded quickly because even though she didn’t enjoy playing Bella-Barbie, she liked hanging out with the girls. This was as close as she had ever been to having sisters and she enjoyed the camaraderie. And now that there was a possibility that her time with them may be limited, depending on which choice she made, she was going to welcome any time she had with them.
The boys were upstairs in the family room playing the latest NBA basketball game on the Wii. Jasper felt the melancholy rolling off of Bella and was taken off guard by the drastic change in her emotions. Normally when she was with Carlisle she was happy, light and contented. Now her emotional aura was stormy and dark. He sent her some of his brotherly love and she looked up when it hit her.
The set-up of the house was unique in that the living room had cathedral ceilings and the family room was the only room on the upper floor. The floor plan was designed so that it took up half the house. You needed at least that much room to hold the massive flat screen TV with surround sound and sectional couches. There was a karaoke stage set in one corner; complete with dual screens and lights. Another corner, the one nearest to the half wall that looked over the living room, was equipped with several game systems.
Bella gave Jasper a grateful smile, but it never reached her eyes. She reciprocated the love before her darker emotions invaded once more. Jasper did not like seeing her this way and planned to talk to Alice
“Boo-ya! Take that!” Emmett yelled out as his team beat Jasper due to his distraction.
“Rematch?” Jasper asked feeling Emmett’s pride and competitiveness battle for first seat.
“Hell yeah!” Emmett shouted and reset the game.
The girls walked in to see that Rosalie had her room all set with more colors of nail polish than Bella believed could exist.
“Oh my…how? I don’t have that many nails!” Bella stuttered out.
Alice and Rosalie laughed.
“Bella, you are too funny. We are trying the colors out on that piece of sheet metal over there,” Rosalie pointed over to the small table by her window, “I just really wanted to hear what you think of how they look.” She said with a genuine smile.
Rosalie and Bella had grown incredibly close since she and Emmett had returned. Rosalie was beyond grateful that Bella did not hold her responsible for their mutual tragedies and knowing a little of what Bella lost allowed Rosalie to look past her original judgment of her.
“If you say so, Rose, but I think you would be better off leaving it up to Alice
“Fashion and cars are two separate worlds and I can tell that you are a bit of a closet gear head,” Rosalie joked back at her.
The girls went through each color of nail polish they had. They laughed and joked as they doodled on the raw metal. Alice was drawing an intricate lily when she stopped and stared off in the distance. Rosalie and Bella stopped as well; waiting for the vision to run its course. Alice came back to them and smiled, but Rosalie knew her and understood that the smile was not a full on Alice smile.
“What’s up Ali?” Bella asked as she capped the Cherry Bomb polish she had just been using.
“We have guests coming in two weeks; the Denali’s!” she answered excitedly.
“Who?” Bella asked confused.
“The Denali’s are our cousins, for lack of a better word. They live up in Alaska.” Rosalie explained.
“And they are vegetarians like you guys, right?” Bella questioned.
“Oh, of course!” Alice exclaimed.
Bella let go of the breath she had been holding as there was a knock at the door. Jasper popped his head in.
“Did I hear you right darlin’? Are Eleazar and the girls coming here?”
“Yep,” she said popping the ‘p’, “They will be here two weeks from Monday.” She clarified.
“I was wondering when we might see them again.” He said with a lazy smile.
Conversations continued about the upcoming visit while Bella made her way to the kitchen to make herself some dinner. The day had gotten away from her and she completely missed lunch. She walked into the kitchen to find Carlisle was already busy cutting up some vegetables for a stir fry.
“Need some help?” she asked as she looked over to see what he was doing.
“I can start working on the chicken while you finish up here.” He offered.
He smiled brightly at the beautiful woman next to him. He could have easily finished the prep work on his own, but he enjoyed these times with Bella. They worked in companionable silence until everything was set and Carlisle began to cook while Bella cleaned up a little.
“Bella, are you alright with the Denali’s coming to visit?” he asked as he threw the ingredients into the hot oil.
Bella put on a quick smile, “I’m totally fine. They are your extended family after all.” She said as she looked down allowing her hair to block his view of her face.
“Anyway, if it was uncomfortable for them, I could go to a hotel in town while they are here. It’s no big deal.”
Her words were not in sync with her feelings. She didn’t want to be away from the family, but she didn’t want to be a burden or hindrance either. The Denali’s may be vegetarians, but they didn’t live with any humans, as far as Bella knew. This may be too much for them and she didn’t want to come between family.
Carlisle may not have Jasper’s gift, but he knew Bella was hiding something. He stepped over and tipped her chin up. She hesitantly brought her eyes up to meet his.
“Bella, you are just as much a part of this family as the rest of us. If the Denali’s have an issue with your presence, then we will deal with it,” he leaned down so that he was eye level with her, “but you do not need to leave our home unless you want to. This is your home Bella, for as long as you chose it to be.”
Bella stopped breathing as she got lost in the ocher pools in front of her. His eyes were similar to Edward’s but in the same instance were so very different. There was a softness that was always there. It gave his eye color a distinct something that always set Bella at ease. She felt herself getting light headed as she got lost in his gaze.
Carlisle gave a soft smile and backed away slightly keeping a hold on her shoulders to steady her.
“Breathe Bella.” He said softly.
Bella felt her lungs burn as she took in a much needed breath. When she realized what had happened, she blushed and looked down.
“I apologize. I didn’t realize I was too close.” Carlisle said as he went back to cooking.
Bella shook it off, “Don’t apologize. I forget to not make eye contact with any of you. Alice talks me into more shopping that way.” She said trying to lighten the mood.
Carlisle chuckled showing Bella that it had worked. She didn’t want to let him know that she was starting to fall for him. Throughout the nine months that she remained in her mental hibernation Bella’s heart and mind began to heal slowly. As some memories seemed to come back to her, she realized that the voice she had been hearing in her head was Carlisle’s. He was always with her. She could hear the love and concern in his voice. He may have been the head of the family, but he was youthful and handsome. She saw the exquisite beauty in him and his reverence towards others was just one more thing that made it easy to love him. She shook off the thought of being in love with Carlisle. There was no way he could ever love her back. Esme had been his love of a lifetime; his mate. Bella knew that she could never compete with that. What did she have to offer him? She stopped that self-destructive train of thought and went to set the table for her dinner.
Once Bella had gone downstairs for dinner the others decided to head out for a quick hunt. They headed south of the property and quickly came across a large herd of elk. Emmett complained that it wasn’t bear, but he drank none the less. When they had all taken care of clean up, they sat on a small cliff watching the day turn to night. It was cold out especially with the arctic wind coming down from the north, but it felt just the same to them as a warm summer breeze.
“Okay Alice, spill. I know there was more to your vision then what you let on in front of Bella.” Rosalie urged.
All attention was on Alice as she shifted in Jasper’s arms so that she was facing the others.
“I do not see this visit being all hearts and flowers.” She paused trying to sort the flashes of different outcomes that she saw earlier. There were still decisions yet to be made. “Eleazar and Carmen are really coming because they want to see us and see how we are coping after losing Esme and Edward. They would have come sooner, but they wanted to give us time to mourn on our own.” She explained.
“So, what’s the problem?” Emmett asked as he ran his hand up and down Rosalie’s back in a loving gesture.
Alice sighed, “Okay, so I told you all about my visions coming back with Bella and Carlisle once she was awake, right?” they all nodded. “Well, I can see Irena and Tanya being cold towards Bella, though I am not sure why. And Kate…well Kate is a whole other issue altogether.”
Jasper shifted so that he could see Alice’s face, “Please explain about Kate, Ali. She has never been anything but cordial to our family.”
Alice was trying to find the right way to explain it, “Well, it appears from what I have seen, Kate plans to try and seduce Carlisle.”
That brought out the shouts of disbelief and shock.
“What?!?”
“No way!”
“That can’t be. I have never felt any romantic emotions coming off of her when she has been near Carlisle in the past.”
Alice just nodded, “I think they have been there for a while, but I’m not one hundred percent sure from the visions I have had. This obviously will make things a little uncomfortable, but we have bigger problems.”
“What?” Rosalie was refocused on what Alice was saying.
“Well, I have told you all about the visions I have had of a possible future with Carlisle and Bella.” They nodded for her to continue. “The way this all plays out will basically send Bella running for the hills. I see her asking to leave the family and going out on her own.”
“Oh hell no!” Emmett yelled out as he stood up looking ready for a fight. “We just got her back. She can’t just leave!”
Jasper sent calm towards his bear of a brother and Emmett tried to shake it off.
“Knock it off, Jazz. I’m allowed to be upset about this. And don’t even tell me that you are not.” Emmett narrowed his glare at him.
“I am bothered by the idea of Bella leaving us, but I can’t say I am surprised. When she came in today I could feel the emotional climate around her abruptly change. She seemed like she was trying to pull back into herself. She was trying to distance her emotions from us.” He finished.
Rosalie had endured enough, “That’s it!” she yelled, “Emmett, sit your butt down. You look like you are fit to be tied and are planning to kidnap Bella.” She turned towards the other couple. “You two,” she said pointing back and forth between Alice and Jasper, “Please enlighten us un-gifted vampires as to exactly what has been going on.”
Emmett did as he was told and sat back down next to his mate. Jasper began his explanation of what he felt coming from Bella earlier. The others looked confused but then Alice chimed in.
“That was this afternoon?” she inquired.
“Yes.” Jasper confirmed.
“That makes sense as Carlisle told her she needed to choose whether or not to remain human while they were on their walk today.”
Another round of shouting began until Alice put her tiny hands up as if to hold off their verbal barrage.
“Let me finish. He told her that she could start a new life on her own, she could stay with him but that we would most likely move out in order to keep her safe, or…” she looked at Rosalie as she said the final option, “or he would change her into one of us if that was what she wanted.”
A silence fell upon them as Alice’s revelation sank in.
“So, if she is pulling away from us emotionally, does that mean she has made up her mind to move out on her own?” Emmett asked; hurt evident in his now subdued voice.
Alice shook her head, “I don’t know. She hasn’t made a final decision yet. She is considering each of her choices, but nothing is set in stone.”
Jasper went back to what was said earlier, “So, how do the Denali’s play into her decision to leave us?”
Alice shook her head. “I’m not quite sure. No decisions have been solidified so I am just not sure. I can tell you this though, if Kate gets her way and Bella sees her in Carlisle’s arms it will be the proverbial nail in the coffin. I can see her packing her things.”
“Hold the phone!” Emmett interjected, “I thought you told us on the way back from the airport that you two thought that Carlisle might be falling in love with Bella. Why the hell would he have Kate in his arms?!?”
Alice shrugged and then shook her head. “You guys know I can’t see the reasons behind people’s decisions. I can only see when they make them. I can still see the possibility of Bella and Carlisle ending up together, but there are too many other scenarios and decisions that need to play out for me to be certain.”
Again the silence of the night surrounded them as they were all deep in thought. Rosalie felt the fire start to burn deep inside of her. Her sense of protectiveness hit Jasper hard before she spoke up.
“Well, that is just not going to happen. Not on my watch. If she chooses to leave us because that is what she wants it is one thing. But no one is going to force her hand. Those witches and succubus can just stay home.” Venom laced every word.
Jasper shook his head, “Carlisle would never turn them away. They are family.”
“He would to protect Bella,” Emmett said firmly.
Alice was the one to negate this statement, “If we told him the reason we wanted to cancel this visit, we would have to tell him about Kate and about the feelings he has for Bella that he has yet to make peace with.” She looked to Jasper and he nodded his confirmation. “It would be a disastrous outcome.” Her voice was dejected.
They all sat in quiet contemplation over this lose/lose situation. They eventually agreed that for now it was best to keep this to themselves. They slowly got up and made their way back to the house. They were greeted by the sound of the home theatre playing ‘While You Were Sleeping’. Alice led them upstairs. The sight before her nearly broke her heart as Carlisle was sitting casually in one of the sectionals. Bella was lying with her head in his lap as he ran his hands through her hair. Alice had to fight off the pain of the vision that her mind’s eye played out as she watched them. It was of a broken hearted Bella on her own in some nondescript town and in the next second she could see Carlisle sitting on the front porch of the house, alone. His eyes looked dead. He just stared out as if he was waiting for someone. Alice knew who he was looking for. She shook off the pain that the vision brought her as Jasper came and wrapped his hand around her waist.
“It’s alright darlin’. We are going to make this right. I promise.” He whispered lightly so that only she could hear him.
Carlisle shifted slightly to acknowledge their return. Bella felt him move and lifted her head to see the four vampires standing like statues.
“Hey guys!” she said brightly, “Good hunting? Why don’t you come join us? We are just watching a movie.” She finished as she sat up and snuggled under the blanket she had wrapped around her body.
Emmett always ready to lighten a mood sped over to the other side of the couch sitting on Bella’s other side. His sudden movement made Bella gasp and then laugh at his child like nature.
“I love Sandra Bullock. Her husband was a fool to cheat on her. She is hooooot.”
He let the last word hang a bit longer than was necessary. Rosalie let him know she didn’t appreciate his blatant ogling of another woman as she cuffed him on the back of his neck as she sat on the loveseat nearest him.
“Damn Rosie. You are going to give me brain damage if you keep that up.” He said rubbing his neck.
“You have to have a brain to damage.” Rosalie quipped in return.
Everyone laughed as they settled in to watch the movie. As it played on Jasper felt the adoration coming from where Bella and Carlisle sat together. It faded to contentment as Bella drifted to sleep while she leaned into Carlisle’s side. Once she was out cold, he quietly excused himself and lifted her still bundled in the throw blanket. He cradled her to his chest and carried her downstairs to their bed. The other two couples shared a look of anguish which turned to determination. Silently they all agreed that they would do what was necessary to make the right future come to be.
Bella woke slightly as Carlisle placed her in bed.
“Did I miss the rest of the movie?” she asked in her drowsy voice.
Carlisle smiled softly and nodded, “It’s okay. We can pick up where you left off tomorrow if you would like.”
She nodded slowly as she stretched.
“Excuse me for a minute?” she asked.
Carlisle nodded as she slowly got up and made her way to the washroom. She took care of her nightly ritual and slipped into a long sleeve satin pajama set. She brushed out her hair and then came back into the bedroom. Carlisle had to quickly hide his reaction. She looked like an angel in the light blue set. It wasn’t what you would call a racy ensemble but more of a woman’s version to men’s sleepwear. But whatever you call it, it looked beautiful the way the material caressed her alabaster skin. Carlisle looked to the window as the snow had once again begun to fall. The moonlight and snow set a soft glow across the room.
Bella made her way back to the bed and climbed in under the comforter and sheets. Carlisle sat against the headboard and allowed her to snuggle in close to his side. He gently rested his hand on her shoulder like he knew she liked. It was a security thing for her; to know he was there.
“Carlisle, would you sing to me? Like you did when I was away?” she asked timidly.
“Whatever you wish sweetheart. Any requests?”
She shook her head. “Whatever comes to mind.” She whispered though she had no doubt that he heard her. He thought for only a moment before he began.
‘Stay with me,
My love I hope you'll always be
Right here by my side if ever I need you
Oh my love
In your arms,
I feel so safe and so secure
Every day is such a perfect day to spend
Alone with you
I will follow you will you follow me
All the days and nights that we know will be
I will stay with you will you stay with me
Just one single tear in each passing year’
My love I hope you'll always be
Right here by my side if ever I need you
Oh my love
In your arms,
I feel so safe and so secure
Every day is such a perfect day to spend
Alone with you
I will follow you will you follow me
All the days and nights that we know will be
I will stay with you will you stay with me
Just one single tear in each passing year’
He heard Bella’s body fall into its sleeping rhythm as he finished the song that was actually the lyrical embodiment of his heart’s desire. He wanted Bella to choose to stay with him, but was it fair for him to ask this of her? Could he really ask her to give up her human existence and share an eternity with him? Of all the good he had done over his centuries on this earth, surely this one indiscretion would send him straight to hell…but he could not find it within himself to care.
A/N
Lyrics were from “Follow You, Follow Me”~Genesis
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