AVitD- Chapter 6

Chapter 6~ Choices

“Edward, will you read to me?”

“Of course my love.  What would you like me to read?”

“Wuthering Heights.  That is one of my favorites.” She answered with a sweet smile.

Edward grabbed the worn out book Bella recognized as her copy that she had brought with her when she moved to Charlie’s house.  She wondered how he was able to get it, but then shook the question from her head as Edward began to read.  She closed her eyes and rested amongst the flowers and tall grass of the meadow.  Her head lay on his firm lap as she waited for the familiar story to begin.  Edward ran one hand through her hair while he held the book with the other.  Bella relaxed and absorbed his presence deep within her soul.  It felt good to be here with him, but something was itching at the outer edges of her brain. As happy as she was to be with Edward, she felt something trying to pull her somewhere else.  She couldn’t explain the sensation.  In her heart she wanted to be right where she was, but there was this feeling…she couldn’t put a label to it.

She opened her eyes to take in Edward’s appearance as he continued to read.  She noticed that he wore the same shirt and jeans that he had everyday they had spent in the meadow.  She tried to remember how many days they had been there.  It felt like at least a week; maybe more, but she couldn’t pin point the time.  She started analyzing the situation.  She was never hungry or thirsty, and she never needed a ‘human moment’.  She would fall asleep each night in Edward’s arms and wake up each day in the meadow with him by her side.  Though he was still ice cold to her, she was never chilled by his touch. 

Edward had stopped reading.

“There are a lot of questions running through that beautiful mind of yours, love.  What would you like to know first?” He asked as he laid the book in the grass before pulling Bella to sit in his lap.

She thought for a moment, then swallowing hard mustering up the courage to ask him.

“Am I…am I dead?” she asked in a timid voice.

“No.  You are still very much alive.” Edward responded with a small smile. “Here,” he brought her hand to her chest, “feel your heart beating?”

She smiled back and nodded.  Her expression darkened as the next question floated to the surface.

“Are you…?” she couldn’t bring herself to finish the question, but Edward knew what she was asking.

He nodded, “I am.”

She battled with the tears that threatened to spill.  She instinctively reached up to stroke his face and run her fingers through his hair. 

“Do you want to know more?” he asked her.

Bella shook her head.  She was afraid that if she knew everything that he would disappear and she wasn’t ready to let Edward go yet.

“Not today.  Just read to me, okay?” she pleaded quietly.

“Whatever you need, my love.” He said as he pushed a strand of hair behind her ear then he kissed her lips softly.

She settled back into the grass with her head in his lap.  He picked up where he had left off in the story, and Bella smiled in contentment.  She was aware that the strange pull was still there, but it would just need to wait for another day.

~*~

Time is a funny thing when you are faced with an eternity.  There are times when decades can fly by in the blink of an eye and others where days feel like years.  Carlisle had known the world centuries over.  He had seen the rise and fall of dynasties.  He had been witness to earth changing events.  He had seen the invention of some incredible wonders and observed the devastating loss of lives caused by greed and war.  He watched as footage of the first atomic bomb was detonated as well as the first man walking on the moon.  He had also been witness to medical marvels that he never thought could come to be.  It was these medical advances that he had thrown himself into researching every free moment of his days and nights in an attempt to help Bella. 

It had been six months, two weeks, four days and eleven hours since she had slipped into her catatonic state.  She showed no signs of improvement or acknowledgement that she was at all aware of the world around her.  There was so much that was unknown about the human brain.  Even with his vast medical knowledge and photographic memory, he felt at a complete disadvantage to help her.

He continued to flip through his collection of medical journals looking for anything that might shed some light on how to pull Bella from inside her own head when he heard a small knock on the door.  He looked up to see Alice lingering in the doorway.

“Ah Alice,” he said with a weary smile, “What can I do for you, my dear?”

He closed the most recent journal he had been reading and placed it on his desk.  He looked over and took in Bella’s sleeping form.  Nothing ever disturbed her slumber.

Alice stepped closer and sat in the chair in front of his desk.

“I came to sit with Bella so that you and Jasper could go hunting.  It has been weeks since you went and the circles under your eyes are nearly black.”

Carlisle tried to protest, but Alice had already seen this and cut him off at the pass.

“Now you of all people should know that it is not safe for Bella if we do not keep our thirst sated.  She will be fine for the couple of hours you are gone.  I promise I will not leave the room, and I will call if there is any change in her condition.  Just like I always do.”

Alice narrowed her eyes at her father figure.  As much as she looked up to Carlisle, there were times when he needed to be taken care of as well.

One look in her unbreakable ocher stare and he realized it was futile to argue.  He sighed and raised his hands in defeat.

“Alright,alright,Alice.  You win.  I will go hunting with Jasper.”

He stood up and walked around the desk.  He cupped her head in both hands and leaned down to kiss the top of her spiky black hair.

“Thank you for looking out for me and Bella.  Esme would be proud of how well you are taking care of the family.” He said as he looked deep into her eyes.

She gave him a tight smile attempting to hold back the wave of emotion his compliment brought about in her. She went to sit at his desk.  She organized the analogs that he left out and then proceeded to do some online shopping from his computer.

Carlisle went out back to find Jasper standing in the moonlight gazing up at the stars.

“It still amazes me that after one hundred and fifty years of walking this planet that the stars have stayed just the same as I have.” Jasper mused as he turned his attention to Carlisle.

“The universe is full of pretty wondrous things.” Carlisle agreed, “Are you ready to go?”

Jasper gave a single nod and began a trek northwest of the house.  Alice had assured him it was a good direction to hunt in tonight.  Carlisle followed and was quickly running side by side with his adopted son.  Carlisle enjoyed hunting with Jasper because his way of hunting was more animalistic and primal than any of the other family members.  Carlisle attributed it to his initiation into this life as part of a fighting coven.

About sixteen miles into their run Jasper took a sharp left turn.  Carlisle stopped to see if he could find the object of Jasper’s focus.  Sure enough, another two miles away there was a mountain lion sleeping in a tall tree.  Carlisle opted to give his son his space to hunt and kept on his original path until he came across a sleeping caribou.  Carlisle had not realized how thirsty he was until he began to drink from the great animal.  It only took the one bull to satisfy his thirst.  He said his quiet thanks to God and to the animal for its sacrifice as he buried the drained carcass.

He set back at a leisure pace until he came upon Jasper sitting on a large bolder waiting for him.

“Good hunting?” he asked as he slid off the rock.

Carlisle smiled and nodded, “And you?”

“Mmmm hmm.  I feel better.”

Jasper started back to the house in a more casual stroll than what he normally did unless humans were around.  Since they were in the middle of the Canadian wilderness in he pitch black of night, Carlisle knew he had another reason for taking it slowly.  He also knew that when Jasper was ready, he would talk. 

It was another thirty minutes before Jasper opened his mouth to speak.

“Carlisle, what are your plans if Bella doesn’t wake up?”

Carlisle was taken aback by the subject matter.  It took him a moment to construct an answer.

“I have every hope that she will wake up, Jasper.”

Jasper was quick to respond, “But what if she doesn’t?” he reached out to stop Carlisle from walking any further.

The moon shown down on the two men; their skin shimmering slightly in the iridescent light.  Carlisle looked into the golden eyes across from him and tried to read the meaning behind his inquiry.

“What are you asking, Jasper?”

“I am asking what are you prepared to do if she does not come out of this catatonic state?  Will you leave her like this until her body fails and she dies or will you take pity on her and give her the death that she sought out so emphatically in that meadow?”

Carlisle stood stunned at Jasper’s implication.

“I have seen the scars, Carlisle.  Alice has told me in detail what she saw in her vision.  Bella was intent on ending her life and you stopped her.” He put up his hand to impede Carlisle from arguing his reasons for saving her, “Now, don’t get me wrong.  I would have done the same thing had I been able to.  But in hindsight, was it the right thing to do?  We were so concerned over what we had lost and what we were striving to save that we never stopped to question whether or not we should have. 

“Have we condemned her to an existence locked away in her own mind?  What does that mean for her?  What does that mean for us?  You and I both know that it is not safe for her to remain with us as a human for the rest of her natural life.  Have you considered changing her?  Making her one of us?  Maybe the venom can heal what ever is broken inside of her like it does to other internal injuries.” Jasper left him thinking on this final question.

“As much as I would like to believe that changing her would pull her out of this frozen state, I fear the risks are far too great.  What if she awakens to this life volatile and uncontrollable?  We may not be able to reason with her in order to teach her control.  She may go mad.  We would be forced to destroy her.  I do not want to risk it.” Carlisle answered shaking his head running his fingers through his hair roughly.

“Carlisle, I understand you care for Bella.  I feel your emotions when you are near her.” Jasper spoke softly.

Carlisle hung his head as shame washed over him.  Jasper stepped forward and rested his hand on his adopted father’s shoulder.  He sent him understanding.

“Don’t be ashamed of having feelings for her.  There are many of our kind that live a contented nomadic life, but I do not see that for you.  You have an enormous capacity for compassion and love.  Bella would be lucky to have you share that with her.

“But I worry about you and about the rest of the family; including Bella.  This stand still existence can not go on forever.  If Bella is not able to come out of herself and voice her needs and desires, decisions will have to be made for her.  And they are not easy ones.”

Carlisle looked up into Jasper’s strong face and reached across to rest his hand on his shoulder.

“I understand what you are saying, but I do not have any answers at this time.”

He turned away and looked up at the stars scattered across the night sky as if the solution may be written in the heavens above.  He sighed heavily and looked back to Jasper.

“Let us give her some more time.  If she does not wake up by the year mark, then we can further this discussion.”

Jasper nodded in agreement and began the trek back to the house with Carlisle in toe.  As they ran back to the house Carlisle replayed his conversation with Jasper in his head.  Could he end Bella’s life if she did not recover from her current condition?  Sending her back to Forks was not an option as Charlie believed her to be dead, and there were too many questions that he could not answer without revealing his true nature.  He knew there was no way he could institutionalize her and leave her for someone else to care for.  She was his responsibility.  But what was he willing to sacrifice in order to keep her?  The thought of having to give Bella up caused a pain to radiate from the center of his being. 

Carlisle was unaware that his pace had picked up significantly as he felt the pull to be back at Bella’s side.  Jasper noticed the increase in speed was related directly to Carlisle’s longing; though he refrained from verbalizing his observation.  Jasper amplified his strides to stay in time with him. At their increased speed they made it back to the house just as dawn was breaking.

“You two look better.  Good hunting?” Alice asked as if she didn’t already know.

Her gift made conversations nearly irrelevant, but since Alice was also blessed with the gift of gab, she feigned ignorance.

“Sure was darlin’,” Jasper replied as he kissed her sweetly.

“Why don’t I take breakfast duty today?” he offered to Carlisle as he felt his need to be near Bella grow the closer he got to her.

Carlisle thanked him for the offer as he sat in his chair by Bella’s bedside.  Alice sighed as she took in the sight before her.  As each day past, Carlisle’s future became a touch more cloudy.  He was attaching himself to Bella and since she was still in a fog, his future decisions were skewed by it as well.  She left the room; closing the door behind her.  She went to the kitchen to help Jasper with the cooking.  He was admittedly the worst cook in the house, but he made the effort for Bella.

Alice grabbed the ingredients for blueberry pancakes while Jasper went to heat the griddle and grab some sausages out of the freezer. Carlisle’s hushed voice carried to them as if he was speaking in a normal tone, given their vampire hearing.

“Bella sweetheart, please wake up.  I really need you to open those beautiful brown eyes and look at me.  I mean really look at me.” His voice was so full of desperation.

Jasper worked to send comfort to Carlisle, but it wasn’t easy.  Alice recognized her husband’s struggle and went to him; placing her right hand on his back as the fingers of her left hand wrapped around his bicep.  She had learned over the years that his gift was magnified with touch.  He breathed deeply and smiled at her in thanks.  He refocused his efforts to calm Carlisle and his gift began to take effect.

Carlisle took a deep cleansing breath as he felt the weight on his heart lessen, and he sent his gratitude to his son.  He wasn’t sure how Jasper was able to handle the influx of emotions that had taken their toll on the family these last six months, but he considered himself blessed to have him in his life.  He turned back to Bella and took her hand in his.  He gently stroked her alabaster skin as he began to speak again.

“Bella, I know you are suffering with your loss.  I truly understand your pain.  I want to be here for you; to help you.  Please let me.” He paused and brushed a wayward hair off her cheek and hooked it behind her ear.  His knuckle caressed the side of her face. “No one will ever be able to replace Edward, but I would like to be able to be a shoulder for you to cry on or an ear to listen.  I will be whatever you need me to be.  Just please come back to us.  Come back to me.”

Just then Bella’s eyes opened.  Carlisle stopped talking and waited with baited breath to see if she would look at him.

“Bella?” he beckoned her to acknowledge his presence.

She continued to look at the ceiling.  Her heart rate and respiration remained the same as it had been; no changes.

His head dropped for a moment before he picked it back up to look at her, “Good morning Bella,” his voice lost the hopefulness it had just held, “I trust you had a restful sleep.”

He pulled back the covers and helped her to sit at the edge of the bed.  Alice was there and assisted her to stand.

“I’ve got her Carlisle.  Why don’t you go help Jasper and make sure he doesn’t burn the pancakes and sausage.” She said with a smile.

“I heard that.” Jasper called from the kitchen.

Alice giggled.  The light banter brought a slight smile to Carlisle’s lips.

Alice escorted Bella to the washroom as she started to speak, “It is going to be a beautiful day today, Bella.  You and Carlisle should have a wonderful time on your walk after breakfast.”

Carlisle went into the walk-in closet and changed his clothes; ready to start day number two hundred and two of his new life of caring for Bella.  But he couldn’t help but wonder what he would relinquish to continue this life.  Would Jasper and Alice leave as well if I refused to consider forfeiting her life on day three hundred and sixty-five?  Could I choose her over my family of the last seventy years?  In his heart there was no choice.

Alice was drying Bella’s hair when a vision caught her off guard.  She saw Carlisle walk into a dense fog and then she could see no more.