AVitD- Chapter 5

Chapter 5~ And Then There Were Three

Time passed and the season changed.  The winter finally broke and spring began to breathe new life into the world around them, but Bella’s condition remained unchanged.  She slept at night and when she woke during the day she remained in a passive state as if she was still asleep.  Carlisle had his medical journals and laptop moved into their room so that he would not need to leave her to research her condition.  He thought it might feel awkward to ‘share’ a room with Bella, but his need to be near her always superseded that.

She was in a strange type of catatonic state.  Her body still responded to prompts to eat and drink which Carlisle was thankful for.  He did not want to have to feed her intravenously.  He fought a constant inner battle on what was the best way to treat Bella without any input from her.  He had already begun administering birth control injections and he didn’t want to be any more invasive than what was needed.  The injections were not for their intended use; he used them to limit her periods to make home life easier.  Even though menstrual blood was different from what pumped through her veins, it still challenged their chosen lifestyle.  The first time she came into her cycle, Jasper nearly lost it.  He ran from the house so fast that he cracked the back door.  So, limiting Bella’s periods to four a year allowed the others to live more comfortably under the same roof.

Daily life was built on a routine that focused primarily on Bella’s needs.  Since she was still catatonic, she would not verbalize if she was hungry or thirsty or even if she had to have a ‘human moment’.  Emmett took on the role of house chef.  He wanted to help with caring for Bella, so he began watching the cooking channel and continuously tried new recipes.  He hoped something in the different flavors might bring out a reaction from Bella, but it never did.  So, while Emmett would busy himself in the kitchen, Alice would help Bella with her mourning routine.  She would take her to the washroom and help her shower and get dressed for the day.  It broke her silent heart to see her friend being led through life while not actually living it.  She talked to Bella constantly hoping that she might at least come out of herself and tell her to shut up.  After Bella was clean and dressed, Rosalie would join in and she would brush and style Bella’s hair for her.  Her hair was back to its previous lush condition due to the care the Cullen’s had been giving her.  Rosalie had given up trying to engage Bella in conversation several weeks back.  She would just stand behind the human Barbie and preen her hair till it shined.

Carlisle would always be ready and waiting in the kitchen to meet the girls.  Then he would start the arduous task of feeding Bella her breakfast.  Bella would open her mouth and take the food in robotically.  When she had her fill, she would just stop opening her mouth when the next bite would be offered.  Shortly after their return from Forks, Carlisle had turned in his resignation at the hospital; sighting family reasons.  He couldn’t stand to be away from Bella when he was so invested in her well being.  He knew his place was at home with her.

After breakfast, he would bundle her up and take her for walks outside.  He hoped that this would help her retain muscle tone and avoid bed sores from remaining stationary for too long.  Sometimes he would talk to her about his journey over the last three hundred and fifty years.  He would talk about what he saw and experienced first hand.  He avoided talking about Edward and Esme; afraid of doing more harm than good.  Bella’s arm would stay looped through hi, where he placed it, and she kept pace right along side him.  He cherished this time with her.  He prayed every day for her to wake from this walking death, but even when each day anew showed that she had not, he was grateful to have her by his side.

Most days Jasper would sit with Bella after her morning walk, and he would read to her from their vast library.  It had been decided to put Edward’s personal effects in storage and turn his room into a library.  Again, they felt it wasn’t right to give his things away.  They all agreed that it should be left up to Bella and when she woke up, she would make the decision.  It was difficult for Jasper to be near Bella because her emotional void was painful for him.  He did not complain though.  He felt responsible for setting events in motion that brought her to this state and this was his penance.  He would read for hours until Emmett would announce that it was ‘lunch time for the human’.  Carlisle would be at her side in a heartbeat to escort her to the kitchen.

“Thank you for reading with Bella today, Jasper.  I am sure she enjoyed it.”

Jasper nodded at the sentiment that Carlisle always bestowed on him for his time spent with Bella.  After lunch, Carlisle would again take Bella for a walk.  Before dinner, the girls would take their turn spending time with Bella.  They would put on a movie or maybe music while they would talk fashion or debate Hollywood romances while Bella sat and stared straight ahead.  It was like having a full size doll just sitting amongst them.

After dinner, Alice would help Bella get ready for bed.  She would get her settled and Carlisle would take his place in the chair by the bed.  He would keep watch as her eyes drifted shut signaling the end to another day.  Even in sleep she was silent.  Carlisle recalled Edward mentioning once in passing that Bella had a curious habit of talking in her sleep.  But now her nighttime musings were as silent as his heart.  It had been three months and fifteen days since he had last heard her voice.  He cringed when he remembered what she said to him.  She was so angry that he had saved her.  She wanted to die, and he had stopped her from being with Edward.  His perfect recall replayed her voice full of pain as she let out a heart wrenching wail that could have brought the strongest man to his knees.  It was horrible to think on these memories so he focused on earlier memories.  Memories of a happy Bella; laughing at Edward while mocking him for being a ‘scary monster’ or his attempt to coerce her to dance.  He was pulled from his reflections when he heard Alice’s voice from the living room.

“Rose!  You are leaving?!?”

Rosalie’s hushed voice responded, “I can’t keep doing this.  I know it is my fault, but I can’t stand by and watch what is left of Bella wither away.”

Carlisle looked over Bella one last time to make sure she was a sleep before joining the others in the living room. 

“Rose, this is not your fault.  You did nothing wrong.” Alice tried to console her sister.

Carlisle walked out to his girls facing off with their husbands standing off to the side; not knowing what to do.  Rosalie continued but now addressed Carlisle.

“I am so sorry I am not strong enough to stay and clean up the mess I made, but I can’t.  I just can’t.” she said shaking her head.

Emmett came up and wrapped her in his strong arms.

“Shhh, Rosie.  No one blames you for this,” he whispered into her blond tresses.

“I blame me, Emmett!  Don’t you all see?” she looked around the room at her family, “If I had waited to call Edward to tell him about Bella like Jasper had asked me to, we would still have Edward and Esme.  Bella would still be Bella and safe back in Forks!  We would be living our lives and not caring for what is left of that poor girl.”

Rosalie began to weep dry tears.  Carlisle saw the self inflicted pain and shame that Rosalie was cloaked in.  She was one incredibly strong person, and to see her this way was disheartening.  He walked forward and rested his hand upon her shoulder.  She looked up from where she had buried her head in Emmett’s broad chest.

“If you need to go, then go.  Take time to heal yourself.  We have all suffered a tremendous loss, and none of us have allowed ourselves the time to heal.  But please… don’t go forever.  I have lost so much already.  I do not think I can weather the loss of another child of mine.  Promise me that you will return when you are able to?” Carlisle pleaded with her.

Rosalie turned from Emmett’s embrace into Carlisle’s waiting arms.

“I promise.” She whispered into his chest.

“We promise.” Emmett added.

Rosalie turned to look at him in question.  Even amongst the sadness, Emmett just smiled.

“Rosalie, you are my life.  Where you go, we go.”

“But…” Rosalie tried to interject.  As much as she wanted Emmett with her, she did not want to pull him away from the rest of the family.

“There are no buts.  Even if you tried to leave without me, I would never rest till I found you again.”

Rosalie slumped slightly in Carlisle’s arms.  She did not feel worthy of the love her family had for her.  Carlisle tipped her chin so that she was looking him in the eye.

“I want you to know that I don’t hold you responsible for Esme or Edward’s actions in the least.  You did what you thought was best.  There was no vindictiveness or malice in your soul when you had to give Edward that terrible news.  He chose to act in a way that secured his demise.  There is no way you could have known he would have been so dismissive with his own life.  This was not your fault.” He said with finality.

Rosalie just nodded and let Carlisle pull her in close to him once more.

“Where are you two headed?” he asked as he released his hold on her and she floated back to Emmett’s side.

“I’m not sure.” She responded softly.

“Why don’t you go to the island,” Carlisle suggested before a new thought entered his mind, “In fact, I am going to deed the island over to the four of you.”

The others began to protest.  Carlisle just raised his hand to signal that he had the floor.

“The island was a gift to Esme.  And as much as I love it, there are too many memories for me to ever go there again.” He paused and smiled at them woefully, “Imagine it as a gift from Esme.  She always loved it and she would not want it to go to strangers.  I have no intention of keeping it for myself, so I insist that the four of you take it.”

The two couples looked to each other than nodded to their father figure.  Quiet words of thanks were offered to Carlisle before the discussion turned to travel arrangements.  Carlisle excused himself to return to Bella’s bedside.  He watched the night tick on counting her heartbeats and respirations as he did every night.

~*~

Two days later, Carlisle had just finished feeding Bella the mushroom and cheese omelet Emmett had made for her when Rosalie walked into the kitchen.  Carlisle looked at his children as they were preparing to leave.  He knew this is what Rosalie and to a certain extent Emmett needed, but it didn’t make it any easier to let them go.

“Why don’t you go for a hunt with Jasper and Alice?  We will stay here and spend some time with Bella before we need to head out.” Rosalie offered.

Carlisle didn’t want to miss his alone time with Bella, but he recognized the logic in her suggestion.  It would be a while till they could hunt as a group again as he refused to leave Bella alone at the house.

“Thank you, Rosalie.  That is very considerate of you.” He replied.

Alice and Jasper were by his side before the words left his mouth.  Alice was bouncing in place with anticipation of the hunt.  She saw some bears and elk in her visions and the venom had already begun to pool in her mouth as her thirst increased.  The three of them were bounding out the back door within seconds.

Rosalie took Bella’s hands and guided her to stand, then walked her into the living room.  She sat her down in the large sectional as Emmett went about the task of cleaning up after breakfast and preparing lunch.  He knew that Rosalie wanted some alone time with Bella before leaving.  To someone who didn’t know her, she might seem cold hearted and uncaring, but it was the exact opposite.  Rosalie loved her family and she would do anything to protect them.  She had once considered Bella a threat to the family, but now she regarded her as a significant part of it.

“Bella, I really hope you can hear me.  I hope there is a part of you still inside there,” she said as she ran her hand over Bella’s, “Emmet and I are going away for a while.  I promise that if you need us to come back, we will be here as soon as we can.”

Emmett could hear the heartbreak in his wife’s voice as she spoke to Bella.  He had to take several deep breaths to get his emotions under control so as to not destroy the bowl in his hands.  The women he loved were in pain and he was helpless to fix it.

“Bella, I am so sorry for my part in what has become your life.  I never meant for ay of this to happen. I know I have no right to ask this of you, but I hope someday you can forgive me for causing so much damage.  I hope you can find the strength to heal,” her voice lowered to the point where Emmett couldn’t hear her next words, “but if you can’t and you need to leave us, I understand.  I don’t think I could survive losing Emmett.” She paused to collect herself before going on, “But know that we all love you and would miss you if you left this world.  Please love Bella. You don’t know how much we all need you to live.  But don’t do it for us.  Find the power in yourself t live life for you.”  She wrapped Bella in her arms and hugged her to her chest, “Just know that Emmett and I will be back here in seconds if you need us.”

Emmett walked in to see his wife embracing their sister.  He always hoped that Rosalie would warm up to Bella but wasn’t sure if the day would ever come.

“Hey babe, why don’t you go and make sure we have everything packed.  I want to spend a little time with Bells before we head out.”

Rosalie nodded as she stood up and stepped away from Bella. As she walked past him, Emmett grabbed her arm gently to stop her.  She looked into his loving golden eyes before he leaned down and kissed her chastely on the lips.  She reached up and cupped his cheek prior to making her way to their room.

Emmett flopped onto the couch and wrapped a large arm around Bella’s shoulders shifting her into his side.  He kicked his feet up on the coffee table.  An onlooker would think he didn’t have a care in the world, but anyone who knew him could tell you that was far from the truth.

“Bella, Bella, Bella.  What are we going to do with you?” he sighed heavily, “I know you are hurting kiddo, but we miss you so freakin’ much.  You can’t hide in there forever.” He paused and looked down at her; always hoping the right combination of words will bring her back to them.  When he saw there was no change he went on, “Rose and I are heading out today.  We are going to the island.  I wonder if we ever told you about it.  It is pretty cool. There is a nice house there and we have jet skis and boogie boards and everything.  It is pretty secluded so even though it is always sunny there, we can spend all the time in the world outside.  Maybe someday we can show it to you. That would be cool, don’t ya think?” Again he waited for a response that would not come.  He took a deep breath before going on, “I am sorry won’t be here to cook for you, but I left a book with all my recipes so I am sure that Alice, Jasper and Carlisle can manage.  It just won’t be nearly as good as mine.” He finished with a chuckle.

He leaned in and whispered, “Please come back to us Bells.  The whole family need you, but I think Carlisle needs you most of all.  I think he may have feelings for you Bella, and he doesn’t even know it.  If anyone understands your pain, it is him.  Let him in Bella. You won’t regret it.” He leaned over and kissed the top of her head, “If you need me, you call; anytime, day or night.  You know I am always up.” He laughed at his own joke as he heard the others return.

Soon it was time for goodbyes.  Carlisle wished them safe travels and asked them to check in from time to time.  Alice assured them that the weather would cooperate to allow them to make their connecting flights without having to dodge the sun.  Jasper warned them to not leave the airport during their layover in Houston.  He was weary of the southern covens and worried for his siblings’ safety.  Emmett and Rosalie each said a final goodbye to Bella before heading out to the Mercedes.  Jasper and Alice would drive them to the airport and shop for food and supplies for Bella while they were out.

Carlisle stood by the door and watched as two more of his children left for an undetermined amount of time.  As much as he wanted to believe that they would be back some day, he couldn’t help the nagging feeling that ate at the core of him.  I thought I would see Edward come home one day too.